Curmudgeon Letters
Copyright (c) 1994, Al Ruffin
All rights reserved


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Number  : 1386   of   1390       Date : 12/18/93 09:24
Confer  : STTS Mag <P&BNet> <P&BNet>
From    : Al Ruffin
To      : Joe Derouen
Subject : WHERE AM I?
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JD>Personally speaking, I'm right here. Typing. Working on getting the
JD>Jan. issue of STTS out. Help me out by writing me a nice "letters to
JD>the editor" type letter. <grin>
 
The Editor:
 
        Sir:
 
I take keyboard in hand to complain of a situation that must be put
right.
 
Our once proud nation, the ruler of the known Universe, is being ruined.
 
Ever since these yuppies came along and began drinking white wine, the
United States of America as we all knew and loved it has been destroyed.
 
White wine is no substitute for the manly drink of strong likker.
Cheese no substitute for roast beef and potatoes, for ham and grits.
 
Sex, once confined to the privacy of the family automobile and living
room couch, is now practiced openly,  and with the lights on. With white
wine. Why, I've heard that that Kennedy whelp tossed a waitress on a
table in a downtown Washington restaurant. Dens of Iniquity!
 
I call for all men to at once return to the good old, established
American practices of swigging likker from the bottle, stuffing
themselves to bursting at every meal, and screwing in private like God
intended.
 
Y'rs. Cur M. Udgeon, Private, USA (Ret'd)
 
 
Editor:
 
Our country is being ruined.
 
There are too many of them and too few of us.
 
I know how to end the population explosion of the lower classes.
 
DeWayne Bobbitt can be the first to head a new Federal Agency, which I
recommend be named "Bobbitt Off Population" in his honor.
 
Gun control is not the answer.
 
And, if they don't speak English real good, I say get rid of them.
 
Cur. M. Udgeon, Prof of Societal Studies, Offshore Univ. (ret'd)
 
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