
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope

Middle age is when you smile at things that used to make you laugh. - Puck Mag.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.- Groucho Marx

Millions say the apple fell, but Newton was the one to ask why. -Baruch

Modesty died when clothes were born. - Mark Twain

Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise. - G.K.Chesterton

Modesty is the polite concession worth makes to inferiority. -Comtesse Diane

Moments that can never happen again and never lost their wonder.-Spender

Money - in its absense we are coarse, in its presence we are vulgar.-McLaughlin

Money buys a pretty dog, but not the wag of its tail. - Henry Wheeler Shaw

Money costs too much - Ross MacDonald

Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant. - P.T.Barnum

Money often costs too much - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Moon rocks are OK when everyone is eating. - Goodman Ace

Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. - Diogenes (412-323 BC)

Most of the evils of life arise from man not being able to sit still. - Pascal

Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children-McLaughlin

Most of us hate to see a poor loser, or a rich winner. - Harold Coffin

Most people like hard work-particularly when they are paying for it.-F. P. Jones

Mozart is the human incarnation of the divine force of creation-Johann Goethe 

Music and woman I cannot but give way to, whatever my business is-Samuel Pepys

Music owes as much to Bach as religion to its founder. -Schumann

My aim is the re-establishment of the worship of men. - Gabirele D'Annunzio

My belief is that to have no wants is divine. - Socrates

My country is the world, my countrymen are all mankind.-William Lloyd Garrison

My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn-Adamic

My husband doesn't munch words ! - Mary Carter

My life has been nothing but a failure. - Claude Monet

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.-C.Morley

National injustice is the surest road to national downfall. - Gladstone

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. -Aristippus 356BC

Natural abilities are like natural plants that need pruning by study - F. Bacon

Nature I loved, and next to nature, Art. - Walter Landor

Nature confuses the skeptics and reason confutes the dogmatists.-Blaise Pascal

Nature uses as little as possible of anything. - Johannes Kepler

Nature, heartless, witless, nature. - A.E.Housman

Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. - Francis Bacon

Necessity is the argument of tyrants, it is the creed of slaves.- William Pitt

Neither man nor nation can exist without a sublime idea. -Dostoevski

Never answer a critic. Unless he's right. - Bernard M. Baruch

Never confuse 'I love you' with 'I want to marry you' - Cleveland Amory

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another. - Juvenal (60?-140AD)

Never find your delight in another's misfortune - Pubilius Syrus (c.1st century)

Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry - Henry W. Beecher (-1887)

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing. - Billy Rose

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow-Mark Twain

Never try to tell everything you know...it may take too short a time - N. Ford

News is the first rough draft of history - Ben Bradlee

No author is a man of genius to his publisher. - Heine

No call alligator long month till you pass him. - Jamacian Proverb

No extraordinary power should be lodged in any one man.
 - Thomas Paine (1737-1809)
      
No grand idea was ever born in a conference...- F. Scott Fitzgerald

No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot-Shaw

No man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplises. - Murrow

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. - William Feather

No man profiteth but by the loss of others. - Michel de Montaigne

No man thoroughly understands truth until he has contended against it.-R.Emerson

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next. -Ed Howe

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens-Lincoln

No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney. -Alfred E. Smith

No matter how well a toupe' blends in back, it looks like hell in front-Levenson

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American Public-Mencken

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. - Sir Frederick G. Banting

No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplises-Murrow

No one with absolute power can be trusted to give it up, even in part.-Brandeis

No person was ever honored for what he received... -Calvin Coolidge

No poems can live long or please that are written by water-drinkers-Horace(65BC)

No public man can be just a little crooked. - Herbert Hoover

No writer long remains incognito. - E.B. White

Nobody believes a rumor in Washington until it's officially denied. - Cheyfitz

Nobody ever died of laughter. - Max Beerbohm

Nobody has ever thought himself to death. - G. Highlet

Nobody shoulders a rifle in defense of a boarding house. - Bret Harte

None speak false, when there is none to hear. - James Beattie

Noone who lives among intellectuals is likely to idealize them unduly-Hofstadter

Not every old woman in slippers can manage to look like Cinderella - Don Marquis

Not he who has little, but he who wishes more, is poor. Seneca (4BC-AD65)

Not to decide is to decide - Harvey Cox

Nothing but the victory of laughter over dogma. - Decasseres

Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood. - Marie Curie

Nothing is interesting if you're not interested. - Helen MacInnes

Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight. - Carlyle

Nothing is more unpleasant than a virtuous person with a mean mind.-W.Bagehot

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.-J.Barrie

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Galbraith

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John K. Galbraith

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known. - Francis Jeffrey

Nothing would please the Kremlin more than choosing a 2nd rate president-R.Nixon

O glorious boon of age if it does free us from youth's most visious fault-Cicero

O wad some power the giftie gie us/To see oursel's as others see us - R. Burns

Oaths are but words, and words are but wind.- Samuel Butler. (1612-1680)

Of a politician: "He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it" - Levant

Often it does seem a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat. Mark Twain

Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. -Conte V. Alfieri

Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing./Beloved from pole to pole. - S.T.Coleridge

Oh, to be in LA when the polyethyl-vynil trees are in full bloom. - Herb Gold

Old fogyism is comfortably closing in. - Edmund Wilson

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. - Socrates (470?-399BC)

Once you put on a suit, nobody tells you the truth anymore.  Phillip Crosby

One cannot found a religion by putting together principles -Erich Fromm

One generation cannot bind another. - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

One learns to keep silent and draw one's own confusions - C.O.Skinner

One man with courage makes a majority.  - Andrew Jackson.

One man with courage is a majority. - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1862)

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. - Gerald H. Bath

One may smile, and smile, and be a villian - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

One never married, and that's his hell; Another is and that's his plague-Burton

One of the greatest labor-saving devices is tomorrow. -Vincent T. Foss

One thing you will remember well is when you forgive and forget.-Franklin Jones

One's only real life is the life one never leads - Oscar Wilde

Only a mediocre person is always at his best - Maugham

Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. - Allan Goldfein

Only little boys and old men sneer at love. - Louis Auchincloss 

Only the past is immortal. - Delmore Schwartz

Only the shallow know themselves - Oscar Wilde (-1900)

Only the young die good. - Oliver Herford

Order is the first requisite of liberty - Georg Wilhelm Hegel

Originality is the art of concealing your source. - Franklin P. Jones

Our country:when right, to be kept right; when wrong to be put right.-C. Schurtz

Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions. - Edward R. Murrow

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. - Lewis Mumford

Our safest guide to what we do abroad is always what we do at home. -LBJ

Our suspicions are confirmed by any official denial.  - Lawerence J. Peter

Overpopulation is not a disease - its a growth.

Passions are fasions. -Clifton Fadiman

Patriotism is not enough. - Edith Cavell

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious. - Oscar Wilde

Peace is an armistice in a war that is continually going on.-Thucydides(-?400BC)

Peace without justice is tyrrany. - William Allen White

People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise. - Somerset Maugham

People have one thing in common, they are all different. - Robert Zend

People need good lies - there are too many bad ones. - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

People who are sensible about love are incapable of it. - Douglas Yates.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J. Burke

Philosophy is language idling. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Philosophy- The purple bullfinch in the lilac tree. - T.S. Eliot

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. - Don Marquis

Plagarists are always suspicious of being stolen from. - Samuel Coleridge

Plagarists, at least, have the merit of preservation. - Disralei

Planned public relations is the stepchild of conflict - Kinsey Robinson

Platonic love is from the neck up. - Thyra Winslow

Pleasure is frail like a dewdrop, while it laughs, it dies. - R. Tagore

Pleasure is the only thing to live for, Nothing ages like happiness. -Wilde

Poetry is fact given over to imagery. - Rod McKuen

Poetry is the rhythmical creation of beauty in words. - Edgar Allan Poe

Poetry is trouble dunked in tears. - Gwyn Thomas

Poets are born, not paid. - Wilson Mizner

Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. - Mao Tse-tung

Politicians make strange bedfellows but they all share the same bunk. -E. Shoaff

Politicians promise to build a bridge, even where there is no river.- N.Kruschev

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns/detective stories-A.Clarke

Politics make estranged bedfellows - Goodman Ace

Politics offers yesterday's answers to today's problems. - Marshall McLuhan

Politics should be the part-time profession of every citizen. -D.D.Eisenhower

Posterity - What you write for after being turned down by publishers.-George Ade

Posterity is just around the corner - Geroge S. Kaufman

Poverty is the mother of crime. - Marcus Aurelius (121-180)

Poverty...has not sharper pang than this, that is make men ridiculous-Juvenal

Power corrupts the few, while weekness corrupts the many. -Eric Hoffer

Power corrupts, but lock of power corrupts absolutely. - Adalai Stevenson

Power never takes back a step, only in the face of more power. - Malcom X

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely-Lord Acton

Practical men...are usually the slaves of some defunct economist. -John Keynes

Prejudice is never easy unless it can pass itself off for reason.-Hazlitt

Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire

Private enterprise is ceasing to be free enterprise. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Probe the earth and see where your main roots run. - Henry Thoreau

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. - Don Marquis

Product safety is not a legal question, it is an ethical one. - Phillip Crosby

Promotion should not be more important than accomplishment. -  Peter Drucker

Prophecy, however honest, is generally a poor support for experience-B.N.Cardozo

Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent. - Boies Penrose

Publishers are demons, there's no doubt about it. - William James

Q: Why can't programmers tell Christmas from Halloween?  A: DEC 25 = OCT 31.

Quality is ballet, not hockey. - Phillip Crosby

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing...I've done it a thousand times.
 - Mark Twain

Racism is the snobbery of the poor.- Raymond Aron

Reason and Judgment are the qualities of a leader - Tacitus (55?-130?)

Reason is not effective against faith, or against searches for miracles -Shimkin

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. - Anatole France

Religion is all bunk. - Thomas Alva Edison

Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet.- Napoleon Bonaparte

Remember, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Retirement is the ugliest word in the langage. - Ernest Hemingway

Rotten wood cannot be carved -- Confucius.

Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.- G. Orwell

Sanity is madness put to good use. - George Santayana

Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed. - Thomas Henry Huxley (-1895)

Science w/o religion is lame, religion without science is bunk. -Albert Einstein

Scientific discovery is, in itself, a continual flight from wonder. - Einstein

Scrubbing floors & emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency- Nixon

Security is mortal's chiefest enemy. - Ellen Terry

See one promontory, one mountain, one sea, one river and see all. - Socrates

Seeing is decieving. It's eating that's believing. - James Thurber

Serfs up! - Spartacus.

Shake & Shake the catsup bottle/none will come/and then a lot'll -Richard Armour

She deceiving, I believing; /What need lovers wish for more?-Sir C. Sedley

She got her good looks from her father- He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

She picked a lawyer out fo the phone book at ransom. - Ina Kern

She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now. - Fred Allen

She's been dwindling inthe stock market - Dr. Maxwell Kurtz

She's generous to a fault - if it's her own. - Arthur Baer

Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure. -T.A. Edison

Silence gives consent, or a horrible feeling that nobody's listening - Jones

Skepticism is a hedge against vulnerability. - Charles Thomas Samuels

Society attacks early when the individual is helpless - B.F. Skinner

Society is always taken by suprise at a new example of common sense. - Emerson
   
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay. - Josh Billings

Solo works of art are meant to be looked at for their own sake. -C. Greenberg

Some are bent with toil, some get crooked trying to avoid it. - Prochnow

Some books are lies frae end to end, And some great lies were never penn'd-Burns

Some things have to be believed to be seen. - Ralph Hodgson

Spartans, Stoics, Heroes, Saints & Gods use a short and positive speech-Emerson

Speedy coding is the mother of debugging. - M. Terrano.

Spring - An experience in immortality.  - Henry David Thoreau

Stability is not immobility. - Prince Klemens von Metternich (1773-1859)

Statistics - figures used as arguments. - Leonard L. Levinson

Statistics are for losers. - Scotty Bowman

Stronger than an army is a quotation whose time has come. - W.I.E. Gates

Stuff like that is a dredge on the market today. - Andrew Conlin

Style is self-plagarism. - Alfred Hitchcock

Style...is a safer index to character than the face. - Schopenhauer.

Success has made failures of many men. - Cindy Adams

Success is a journey, not a destination. - Ben Sweetland

Success is counted sweetest/By those who ne'er succeed. - Emily DIckinson

Success is simply a matter of luck.  Ask any failure. - Earl Wilson

Syllables govern the world. - John Selden

TV - Chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Tact consists in knowing how far to go too far. - Jean Coctaeu

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. - Abe Lincoln

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. - Howart Newton

Take away love, and our Earth is a tomb. - Robert Browning

Take what you can use and let the rest go by. - Henry Wallace

Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd. - Walter S. Landor (1775-1864)

Talk of revolutionin one way of avoiding reality. - Kenneth Galbraith

Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition.-Barzun

Tell the truth/ but let is slant. - Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of. - Benchley

Tennyson is a beautiful half of a poet. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

That action alone is just that it does not harm either party to a dispute-Ghandi

That man is great who can use the brains of others to carry out his work. -Piatt

That money talks/ I'll not deny/ I heard it once/ It said "Goodbye!" -R. Armour

That politician is nothing but a sneak in the grass. - Clive Bishop

That's not writing, that's typing! - Truman Capote of Jack Kerouac

The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation. - Woodrow Wilson

The Ancient Mariner would not have taken as well titled "The Old Sailor"-Butler

The Arctic expresses the sum of all wisdom..silence.  - Walter Bauer

The Carpenter is not the best/Who makes more chips than all the rest.-Guiterman

The Jew is like anyone else, only more so. - Arnold Forster

The Law is reason free from passion. - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

The Macedonians are a rude & clownish people;they call a spade a spade-Plutarch

The Present is a Point just passed. - David Russel

The Socratic manner is not a game at which two can play. - Max Beerbohm

The Superego is that part of the personality soluable in alcohol.-Lasswel

The U.S. has the power to destroy the world, but not to save it alone.-M. Mead

The animals do not make me sick, discussing their duty to God. - Walt Whitman

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.-William James

The artist is the seismograph of his age. - R.W. Corrigan

The atom bomb is not an inhuman weapon. - Major Gen. Leslie Groves

The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.-Socrates (470?-399BC)

The best blood will sometimes get into a fool or a mosquito. - William Inge

The best of seers is he who guesses well. - Euripides (484-406 BC)

The best political community is formed by citizens of the middle class-Aristotle

The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. - Raymond Duncan

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time-Lincoln

The best thinking has been done in solitude. - Thomas Alva Edison

The best time to plan a book is when you're doing the dishes.-Agatha Christie

The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being right.-Q.Hogg M.P

The biggest liar in the world is They Say. - Douglas Malloch

The biggest problem in the world/Could have been solved when it was small-Bynner

The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grab. - John Berry

The bitter part of discretion is valor. - Henry W. Nevinson

The body of a dead enemy always smells sweet. - Aulus Vitellius (AD 15-69)
                                            
The brain is as strong as its weakest think. - Elanor Doan

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn. - Don Herold

The buck stops here. - Harry S. Truman

The caribou seems to have no idea whatever of personal comfort. - W.P.Greenough

The certainties of one age are the problems of the next. - R.H.Tawney

The chickens have come home to roast. - Jane Ace

The chief value in going to college is learning that it doesn't matter. - Howes

The computer is a moron. - Peter Drucker

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. - W.C. Fields

The country only has charms for those not obliged to stay there. - Manet

The critical period in matirmony is breakfast time. - A.P. Herbert

The crudest lies are often told in silence. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The denunciation of the young is part of the hygiene of older people-L.P.Smith

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.-Tacitus

The dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book. - Walt Whitman

The diseases of the mind are more destructive than those of the body. - Cicero

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - Buckminster Fuller

The end of labor is to gain leisure. - Aristotle (384-322BC)

The equal toleration of all religions...is the same thing as atheism-Pope Leo 13

The essence of belief is the establishment of a habit. - Charles S. Pearce

The essential gift for a writer is a built-in shockproof shit detector-Hemingway

The fall of man stands a lie before Beethoven, the truth before Hitler.-G. Corso

The family you come from isn't as important as the one you will have. - Lardner

The farce is finished. I go to seek a vague perhaps. - Rabelais (1495?-1553)

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see.-Churchill

The fault is in us. - Hannah Arendt

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars/But in ourselves. -Shakespeare

The finest eloquence is that which gets things done. -David George

The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire. - Richard Nixon.

The first casualty when war comes is truth. - Hiram Johnson

The first great commandment is, don't let them scare you. - Elmer Davis

The first requisite for immortality is death. - Stanislaw J. Lem

The first step to knowledge is to know that we are ignorant. - Ld. David Cecil

The first step toward philosophy is incredulity. - Denis Diederot

The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization. - Alan Coult

The foolish and the dead alone never change their opinion. - James Lowell

The future influences the present just as much as the past. - Nietzsche

The future is hidden even from the men who made it. - Anatole France

The gods plant reason in mankind, of all good gifts the highest-Sophocles(-406BC

The government is best which governs the least... - Thomas Jefferson

The government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. -James Reston

The gradually declining years are among the sweetest in a man's life. -Seneca

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.-Bagehot

The greater number of laws and enactments, the more theives...Lao Tzu (-531BC)

The guards chased the escaped prisoner with a couple of Bagels. - Leo Kennedy

The handwriting on the wall may be a forgery. - Ralph Hodgson

The happy do not believe in miracles. - Johann W. von Goethe (1749-1832)

The happy highways where I went, I cannot go again. - A.E.Housman

The head never rules the heart, it just becomes its partner in crime.-McLaughlin

The heart has its reasons which reason does not understand. -Blaise Pascal

The hole and the patch should be commensurate. - Thomas Jefferson

The important thing is not to stop questioning. -Albert Einstein

The impossible is often the untried. - Jim Goodwin

The income tax has made more liars out of Americans than golf has.-Will Rogers

The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.-Mohammed(632

The job of satire is to frighten and enlighten. - Richard Condon

The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder-R.Sockman

The law itself is on trial in every case, as well as the cause before it-Stone

The laws of a nation are the most indestructible part of its history-E. Biggon

The less of routine, the more of life. - A.B. Alcott

The life of the law has not been logic, it has been experience.-Oliver Holmes Jr

"I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it."
                -- Vincent van Gogh

Everyone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have all of
 the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself.
                                        -- Thomas L. Martin

Everybody's gotta be someplace.  -- Myron Cohen

Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.
                                        -- Ashleigh Brilliant

 Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one
 man. How's that again? I missed something.
 Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million
 men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides?
                                        -- Lazarus Long

Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
 beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning
 them at birth.  -- Lazarus Long

"I'm going to commit suicide...or die trying."              --Michael Burgess

"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left."
                 --R. E. Atkinson

"It's really amazing. People are dying nowadays who never did before!"
                      --Mark Mayfield

"Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself.  --Mary H. Waldrip

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying." --Fran Lebowitz

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  --Eleanor Roosevelt

"A dog is a dog except when he's facing you - then he's Mr. Dog." 
                       --Haitian farmer

"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius."  --George Bernard Shaw

"Be yourself. Who else is better qualified?" --Frank J. Giblin II

"Be happy. It is a way of being wise."           --Collette

"Don't be so humble - you're not that great!"  --Golda Meir

"If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of payments!"
--Earl Wilson

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
--Marie Curie

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the 
airport!"             --George Winters

"Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the 
farmer's daughter." --Julias H. Comroe

"Kids are always the only future the human race has." --William Saroyan

"Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take 
economists seriously."  --Cincinatti Enquirer

"Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?"
 --Tom Stoppard

"A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your 
troubles." --Will Rogers

"Nothing is waste that makes a memory."
 --Ned Rorem

"A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions."
 --Wilson Mizner

  A stitch in time saves nine, however if you have a good
  seamstress it might be more like seven or six.
                                                  --Betsy Ross 

   It is written: He who is fooled
   by a pretty package buys nothing
   but a kilo of seeds.
                         --Bob Marley
